Friday, December 7, 2012
Feeing frustrated and trapped - not terribly homespun right now
I have started studying two business subjects by distance education for the first time in almost a decade. Since starting this blog I have increasingly embraced a homespun life, working towards the life of my dreams. I go through stages of doing nothing but sewing and others cooking and gardening in equal measure. I gardened all winter so my vegie garden is a picture of abundance. I have a lovely cottage garden of flowers in the front and a steadily expandng fernery. We created a lovely lush lawn in the place of bare dirt in the back yard, a perfect picnic spot under large trees.
I have been eating home made granola and yogurt. Packing nutritious, tasty lunches every day and cooking great dinners as well.
I freely chose to do the study. I need to reach closure on a half completed qualification from what feels like a previous life. It will free me to undertake other study that fits better with who I am now and what I want for my future.
But I am not feeling free. I feel trapped. I keep telling myself that it really is only a few days of my life. That this too will pass. Good words but hard to take to heart.
It is perhaps the lack of balance in my life. Right now I feel guilty about taking time out from study to write this post. My darling niece arrived yesterday to visit until after Christmas and I feel guilty about taking time out from her. We need to finish painting the laundry and bathroom but I can't right now. My garden is looking neglected - I need to pull weeds, mulch with compost and lucerne and plant the next lot of summer crop.
But I must spend all my time out of work doing my study. My second assignment is due Monday. Once that is done I will have a month to complete the next two. So it really is only a couple of days until I can make my next batch of granola, refill the freezer, get back into the garden and enjoy the countdown to Christmas.
Why can't I accept that and be zen and embrace the opportunity in front of me?
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