Friday, December 7, 2012

Feeing frustrated and trapped - not terribly homespun right now

I have started studying two business subjects by distance education for the first time in almost a decade. Since starting this blog I have increasingly embraced a homespun life, working towards the life of my dreams.  I go through stages of doing nothing but sewing and others cooking and gardening in equal measure.  I gardened all winter so my vegie garden is a picture of abundance. I have a lovely cottage garden of flowers in the front and a steadily expandng fernery. We created a lovely lush lawn in the place of bare dirt in the back yard, a perfect picnic spot under large trees.

I have been eating home made granola and yogurt. Packing nutritious, tasty lunches every day and cooking great dinners as well.

I freely chose to do the study. I need to reach closure on a half completed qualification from what feels like a previous life. It will free me to undertake other study that fits better with who I am now and what I want for my future.

But I am not feeling free. I feel trapped. I keep telling myself that it really is only a few days of my life. That this too will pass. Good words but hard to take to heart.

It is perhaps the lack of balance in my life. Right now I feel guilty about taking time out from study to write this post. My darling niece arrived yesterday to visit until after Christmas and I feel guilty about taking time out from her. We need to finish painting the laundry and bathroom but I can't right now. My garden is looking neglected - I need to pull weeds, mulch with compost and lucerne and plant the next lot of summer crop.

But I must spend all my time out of work doing my study. My second assignment is due Monday. Once that is done I will have a month to complete the next two. So it really is only a couple of days until I can make my next batch of granola, refill the freezer, get back into the garden and enjoy the countdown to Christmas.

Why can't I accept that and be zen and embrace the opportunity in front of me?


  1. It's not easy being a mature age student, but you know that! :-) A sociology lecturer I had once used to talk about 'deferred gratification' and that's what 'we' do. Try not to feel guilty taking some time to do something that you like to keeps you sane. Keep rewarding yourself! xx

  2. ohhh jodie hang in there .. this is just a stepping stone into the place where you really choose to be and into the person who has created an amazing blessed delicious life ... head down bum up just get it ticked off "p's for degrees" - just get it finished so you can return to what makes your heart sing, be present and accept its what you need to do ... it will be finished soon and you will be free - you can do all of this - and have it all - your life of abundance pleasure awaits as you truly live the understanding of how important being doing and living a homespun life is xxx sammi

  3. darling Maria and Sammi thank you so much. I am so grateful for people I have connected with through this space. You have really helped me



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