Home from hospital and adjusting to my latest experience of life

I'm home and recuperating from my experience of hospital. I am very fortunate that I was able to come home the same day and did not have to stay over.  I am sore and terribly tired but grateful to be home and well. I have the luxury of time to sleep as I am on sick leave from work, not that I would be of much use to them.  My powers of concentration escape me still.

Last week I wrote of my terrible fear of the ordeal ahead of me. I almost ran away when the orderly came for me, only the sense of manners instilled in me by my mother prevented me. Actually my manners were tested a few times, by nurses who didn't explain what was happening, by an anesthetist who asked questions but didn't listen to my answer, by the complete disregard for dignity that the whole process demonstrated.

It would be easy to criticise myself for my fear, dismiss myself as paranoid but I am glad I accepted my feelings and proactively prepared for the experience.  I am healing slowly but solidly and feel comfortable with myself and my emotions. I would highly recommend if you are faced with something that frightens you, as this did me, that you prepare slowly and diligently so that you may face it as best you can. It will help you on the other side.

I chose the above quote to say that I have embraced the experience as an opportunity to show others greater empathy through understanding.  Not that its an experience I want to repeat ...

Going into hospital tomorrow and feeling anxious

Its a big day for me tomorrow. I'm going into hospital for the first time since I was born. I'm trying and failing to see it as one of life's experiences that contribute to my wholeness as a person.


I have gone through a range of emotions since I found out I had to have surgery: fear and anxiety topped the list. Convinced I could not possibly survive I have sorted bills, super, lodged my tax return, sorted cupboards and generally kept very very busy making sure I would not leave a mess. I just couldn't contemplate going into hospital without my affairs in order.

Now on the eve of surgery I feel sad and quietly resigned.  I don't know whether my sorting has contributed to lowering my fatalistic anxiety or if is just the result of time. Time to consider, time to get more used to the idea.

This journey started months ago. Feeling quite unwell I went to the Doctor for tests, was given a referral to a surgeon whom I saw just for an estimate. He was ready for me and regaled me with a litany of horror scenarios, finishing with a story about people who cancel their admission appointments at the last minute. It was one of those, "you wouldn't be so stupid, would you" moments.

My appointment letter arrived, I notified work, family, friends and set about the business of coming to grips with the idea. In hindsight I wished they had whipped me in to surgery when I was feeling crook 'cos right now I feel well. I don't want to get cut into for no reason. Now it is more about preventing future sickness than dealing with a current problem. That is hard to deal with.

My surgery is really considered minor. Keyhole, although that is rather dismissive of the reality of four holes. People have been very kind and encouraging, although at least some must think me paranoid. No one has said so.

Well tomorrow is the big day.  I will hold my chin up high and try to be dignified about the whole thing. Wish me luck.  When its over I'll be forced to chalk it up to experience.

Herbs for chicken health

Today I gave my chickens a posie of herbs for their good health. 

They've been out all day scratching around. When they go in tonight there is a surprise for them hanging just near their laying boxes. I have given them dandelion, thyme, mint, lemon balm, parsley and oregano.  I found a list of herbs and their uses for chickens here. I have a lot of them in my garden already although some like parsley and oregano are in short supply at this time of year.  This way they can self medicate and eat what they need.

They have clean bedding in their nesting box which I have strewn with lavender to keep mites and bugs away. 

It is also supposed to reduce stress and increase blood circulation.